During a recent
unhinged rant interview, Donald Trump spoke about a mysterious “person” he knew who had flown to Washington, D.C. for the Trump Convention. According to this “person,” the entire plane upon which they found themselves was filled with scary people dressed all in black carrying “things.” Trump refused to give any details, but did say the matter was “under investigation.”
Obviously, Trump’s friend was flying ANTIFA Air. ANTIFA Air is one of the many new companies that have sprung up, seemingly overnight, to taunt Trump and his supporters with their flagrant disregard for actually existing.
ANTIFA Air first appeared in Trump’s interview, as a way to terrify his base. Can you imagine how they must have rended their confederate flag shirts upon hearing the news? The anguish as they realized the next time they contacted an NRA-approved travel agent, they might be put on an ANTIFA Air flight? Where the in-flight movie is always “Inglorious Basterds” and the only music available is “Nazi Punks Fuck Off” on a loop? And where pepper spray is used as a condiment?
ANTIFA Air is not the only mythical scary travel company to pop up over the past 48 hours. There’s BLM Air, Deep State Cruises, Soros Helicopter Tours, and of course, the Clinton Foundation’s Spirit Cooking Tour of Comet Ping Pong’s basement.
ANTIFA Air’s hiring process is a closely-guarded secret, but I managed to
make it up get hold of it. So if you would like to apply for a job with ANTIFA Air, here are a few of the questions you will be asked.
- Are you against fascism?
- Was Hitler bad?
- Have you ever considered punching a Nazi?
- Have you ever actually punched a Nazi?
- Who is Henry Rollins?
You will need to pass a drug test, and the more pot in your system the better, unless you’re applying for a pilot/co-pilot position, then drugs are a no-no. You’ll have to identify hate group symbols, be a registered voter, and have at least one family member who fought for the Allies in World War II. The physical includes riding a Vespa through an obstacle course while being tear-gassed, running in place while singing “Tear The Fascists Down” by Woody Guthrie for half-an-hour, and tackling mannequins dressed up as Proud Boys.
ANTIFA Air currently has just one flight, from Portland, Oregon to Washington D.C. Booking a seat is complicated, as ANTIFA Air
isn’t real doesn’t have a website or customer service number, but if one of Trump’s supporters could secure a reservation, I’m sure you can, too.
And thank you for flying ANTIFA Air!
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